Leaving on a Jetplane
by Diana McKenzie
Summary: After a realisation, Chuck has some things to get off his chest before he leaves Chicago. Slashfic.


This piece is called "Leaving on a Jetplane". It's a songfic to the wonderful song of the same name by John Denver. It is also a slash story.For anyone who is unfamiliar with the term, slash stories involve a relationship with a same sex pairing. In this case, a male/male relationship. I don't know how people feel about homosexual relationships, so I feel it is only fair to warn you. You do not have to read this. I welcome constructive critiscism, but please do not flame me with something such as: "This sucks, you're sick and gays should die". I will not welcome that. We're all mature enough to decide what to read and not what to read.  
  
Now that's over and done with. Here's hoping for a positive response.  
  
By the way, this now celebrates my 1 year anniversary on ff.net! Woop-de-woop!  
  
Title: Leaving on a Jetplane  
Author: Diana McKenzie  
Genre: Romance/Songfic  
Rating: PG  
  
Huge thanks to Mary for her usual insightfulness as my beta, and this time, to Measer for her beta comments and encouragement.  
  
Oh yeah. I don't own EE, I don't own the song.  
  
  
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***********************************************  
All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go,  
I'm standing here outside your door,   
I hate to wake you up to say good-bye  
***********************************************  
  
He reached inside his jacket pocket and pulled out a silver key. Fitting it into the lock of the door, he entered the bar. McGinty's was quiet at 5:30 in the morning. You wouldn't think it would be anything but quiet, but with a guy like Gary owning the place, you never could be certain.  
  
Chuck walked over to the bar, and sat down on one of the bar stools. He was going to miss this place. He had given a lot of his time in running McGinty's, but it was more the experiences that he'd had in the place that he was going to miss. And the people.  
  
He got up off the stool, and fixed himself a drink, which he downed in one gulp. 5:30 probably wasn't the best time to do this, but he knew that there was a goodbye he had to make with no-one else around. Chuck set the glass on the bar and made his way up the stairs to Gary's loft. He took a deep breath, and drawing up his courage, knocked on the door. Chuck heard some moaning and complaining from Gary. He wouldn't be surprised if Gary thought that he was the Cat. Through the frosted glass, Chuck could see Gary approaching, and could start to make sense of what he was saying to the feline he apparently thought was behind the door.  
  
"...not civil. Still asleep at half five."  
  
Gary opened the door, and was obviously confused when he saw that it was in fact Chuck whom had woken him at this early hour.  
  
"Chuck?"  
  
Chuck smiled, sheepishly. "Morning Gar."  
  
Rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand, Gary yawned. "Chuck, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Ain't a guy allowed to drop by on his best friend?"  
  
"Sure he is Chuck, sure he is. But you generally don't do it when people are sleeping! I thought you were Cat."  
  
"I'm sorry Gar, I really am."  
  
Gary waved his hand, and yawned again. "No, no, it's OK. I'm sure you've got a reason. Come in."  
  
The two of them went inside, and Chuck sat down on the couch as he watched Gary trudge over to his coffee machine.   
  
"Coffee?" he offered to his friend.  
  
"Sure. Why not."  
  
Chuck was quite aware that both of them were carefully avoiding the topic of his imminent departure. There was really no point in pretending that it wasn't happening; it was going to happen.  
  
"You know I'm leaving today, Gar."  
  
Gary nodded, not facing Chuck. "I know."  
  
"I erm, I wanted to say goodbye."  
  
The percolator clicked, signalling that the coffee was ready. Gary poured out two cups, and passed one to Chuck, sitting down next to him.  
  
"Couldn't you have waited to the sun was up, at least? I thought you were coming by later to say goodbye to Marissa as well. Unless you already have?"  
  
Chuck clasped his hands around the cup, and laughed softly. "No, no I haven't said goodbye to Marissa already. And I'm still coming to come around later. I erm, I just wanted to come and talk to you alone."  
  
Gary looked at him out of the corner of his eye. "Any particular reason?"  
  
For a moment then, Chuck wondered how much Gary actually knew. Aside from the paper, of course. Chuck had never been that sure at how good Gary was at reading people's emotions. He was no Marissa, there was no arguing about that, but maybe Gary did have some sort of intuition of his own.  
  
"Chuck, come on, what is it?"  
  
Chuck realised that he had been staring blankly into his coffee. "Come on Chuck, you know you can talk to me about anything."  
  
"I, I, well, I wanted to talk to you about what happened on the tugboat."  
  
A silence fell over the two of them. Both men were apparently remembering the events on the boat all too well.   
  
"W-what about it, Chuck?"  
  
Chuck felt a lump rise in his throat, unsure about how to proceed with the conversation.   
  
"W-Well, you know when I told you..."  
  
He stopped. He just couldn't continue. If he did, one, if not both of them, was going to be hurt. And he didn't want that. Not for himself, and especially not for Gary. After that time on the tugboat, he had started to evaluate his life, and all the relationships in it. Being tied there in that boat, watching Gary struggle, and knowing that there was only a certain amount of time before both of them, and Crumb, would be overpowered by that freezing water, had made Chuck realise the sort of things that Gary had to deal with every single day. The knowledge that he risked his life in so many ways. Chuck tried to put himself in Gary's position. Neither of them were getting any younger, and Chuck knew that Gary feared one day he was going to wake up, and realise that because of the paper, his life had passed him by, and he was alone.   
  
***********************************************  
There's so many times I've let you down   
So many times I've played around   
I tell you now they don't mean a thing.  
***********************************************  
  
Sometimes he worried about waking up alone one day as well. He joked around so much, but Chuck was a social creature, and he didn't want to spend his life alone. Like Gary, he wanted someone who understood him, and Chuck realised that because of the kind of person that he was, there weren't going to be that many people who would.   
  
He looked over at Gary, who seemed to be waiting for him to continue. How could he tell him? How could he say what he had to say to him? It was a Catch Twenty-Two situation. He could tell him, and he could hate him for it, or he could love him for it. Or he could not tell him, and hate himself for not saying anything. And even if he did tell Gary, would he believe him? The Chuck who had always been flirt-happy, and would take any opportunity he got to chase some pretty young thing?   
  
The look on Gary's face, which had previously shown he was waiting for Chuck to continue, now seemed to have changed to a look of concern. Gary looked worried about his friend.   
  
"Chuck, what's wrong? What do you need to tell me about what you said on the boat?"  
  
Chuck placed his untouched drink onto the table, and shook his head miserably.  
  
"I can't tell you, Gar. I'm sorry I even started this whole conversation."  
  
Gary followed Chuck's lead, and put his cup on the table. He did something out of character. He turned sideways, and took hold of Chuck's hands.   
  
"Chuck. Don't keep secrets from me. Whatever it is, you can tell me."  
  
  
Chuck felt the lump in his throat return. He knew Gary wouldn't let him go until he had told him the truth. He could, of course, make something up, but he couldn't bring himself to lie to his best friend. Not now. Not when he was about to leave, maybe forever.   
  
But was he being selfish, wanting to tell him? He knew that Gary didn't want a lot out of life, and out of relationships. He just wanted the simple things. He wanted the stability and commitment; real love. And he knew that he wanted children as well. Chuck sighed internally. It was so strange, but he himself couldn't honestly say that he didn't want all those things. He replayed Gary's last sentence in his mind. Whatever it is, you can tell me. He had to tell him, even if he was being selfish. Even if Gary would hate him. He didn't want that to happen, but that was the risk he was taking.   
  
"Chuck?"  
  
He shook himself out of his daze, and though he felt like his stomach was turning over, he took a deep breath.  
  
"OK. Gary, when we were on the boat, you remember what I told you?"  
  
Gary looked at him, as though partly understanding, but there was a look in his eyes that Chuck couldn't discern.  
  
"When I told you that I loved you?"  
  
Gary nodded. "Well, I know that at the time I was just saying it platonically, and because of the situation that we were in...but, ever since then, I've been thinking. A lot. About everything. About my life, about the money that Mrs Danforth gave me, about all my friendships, and I've realised...I-I've realised that I meant it."  
  
There was a heavily pregnant pause. Chuck watched Gary's face for signs of revulsion or something else that he perhaps wasn't expecting. But he just looked stunned, and confused.  
  
"Y-y-you meant it?"  
  
Slowly Chuck nodded, staring then at his hands, which Gary's still covered. He took this as a good sign. His friend hadn't pulled away from him as soon as he had said it.   
  
"Yes. I meant it. I really care for you Gar. More than you could probably know. More than I realised."  
  
"Whoa...I, erm, I..."  
  
"You hate me, don't you? I don't blame you."   
  
Chuck slipped his hands out of Gary's, and walked over to the window. He clutched on to the top of the frame with his right hand, and rested his forehead in the crook of his arm.  
  
"It was a stupid thing for me to say, I'm sorry Gary. I know it's not your style. And even if it was...well, it's me isn't it?"  
  
He stared out into the city, where the sky was now lightening. From behind him, he heard footsteps coming towards him. Gary placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, and Chuck turned around to face him. Gary was smiling at him. It wasn't a smile that shone with happiness, but there was something there.  
  
"It wasn't a stupid thing to say Chuck. No-one should ever say that their own feelings are stupid."  
  
Chuck laughed sadly. "That sounds like something Marissa would say, not you."  
  
"I guess you're right. But it's true." Gary shook Chuck's shoulder. "And you are a good guy Chuck. You're caring, and kind, and sometimes thoughtful and witty."   
  
They both smiled in a more relaxed fashion.   
  
"Chuck, trust me, any guy would be lucky to have you. But, I never thought...you know?"  
  
Chuck sank down to sit on the floor, Gary following suit a few seconds afterwards.   
  
"No, neither did I. But, things change."  
  
Gary studied his friend's face. He looked into Chuck's eyes. They were so sad, and so sincere. A few days ago, Gary would quite simply have brushed this off, putting it down as some sort of twisted joke. But looking at his friend, he knew he was telling him the truth.  
  
"Yes...things do change. So do people."  
  
"I guess so."  
  
"You've changed Chuck. I don't know whether it was the boat that did it, but something has changed you."  
  
"A bad thing?"  
  
Gary shook his head. "No. Because I know that, despite what's changed, you're still Chuck."  
  
Then, something changed. The two of them, they kept looking at each other, with a new sense of understanding. The two of them were so different, but they were like opposite magnetic poles. There was something drawing them together. Emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Gary reached out and gently touched Chuck's cheek. A simple touch, yet it let out so many different emotions in both of them. The magnetic field between the two of them drew them closer together, until they were but a few millimetres away from each other. Both looked the other in the eye, and their lips came together. Passion, yet tenderness passed between the two of them, and when they broke away, they found that they had their arms around each other.  
  
"Y-you're still Chuck."  
  
Chuck stroked Gary's hair gently. "Yes. Are you sorry that it happened?"  
  
He looked thoughtful, then told him softly: "No. I'm not."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"No...I thought I might be...but I'm not. I don't know, it, it feels right somehow."  
  
***********************************************  
Now the time has come to leave you,   
One more time let me kiss you,   
Then close your eyes and I'll be on my way.   
***********************************************  
  
The happiness that was so clear on Chuck's face then faded. "You have no idea what that means to me. But, I had to tell you this, because of the fact that I'm leaving...and I couldn't go without telling you."  
  
"You still have to go?"  
  
Chuck took Gary's hand, and the two of them intertwined their fingers.  
  
"Yes. I do...I've made a commitment. And Mrs Danforth told me to do something worthwhile with the money. And I've thought, and I've thought, but I can't think of anything here in Chicago that I could do with it, that I could do well."  
  
Gary sighed deeply. "Why do I feel like it's my wedding anniversary all over again?"  
  
Chuck squeezed Gary's hand tightly. "Hey, hey hey! This isn't the end Gar, if anything, it's the beginning. If you want it to be, I mean."  
  
"I do. I never thought I would hear myself saying this to you, but I want this to happen. But L.A's not exactly the next El ride away, is it?"  
"No, no you're right, it isn't. But somehow, I think this is going to work. I don't think distance, or the furball is going to stop us. I want to be with you Gary, I'm not going to let circumstances stop that."  
  
Gary's lips curled upwards. "I want to be with you too."  
  
***********************************************  
Oh kiss me and smile for me.   
Tell me that you'll wait for me,   
Hold me like you'll never let me go.  
'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane,   
Don't know when I'll be back again,   
Oh, babe, I hate to go.   
***********************************************  
  
He lay down, and placed his head in Chuck's lap, and laughed gently. Chuck grinned, and leaned over to kiss him. As he did so, Gary pulled on his sleeve, and brought him down to the ground. Chuck shook his head, and laughed back at him. They wrapped their arms around each other, and held onto each other with such force, knowing full well that with each second that passed, each kiss they shared was going to be their last for some time. Because soon, Chuck would have to go. Though Gary had travelled in time before, he knew that he still had no means of stopping time, or even slowing it down. He'd never wished that he could more than he did during those moments. Not even when he was short of time to perform a rescue, not even when Marcia left him, or Emma. But this was different. This was Chuck. This was his best friend. And Gary knew that even though Chuck was leaving, he wasn't leaving him, and he was coming back. That he was sure of with every fibre of his being.   
  
  
***********************************************  
'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane,   
Don't know when I'll be back again,   
Oh, babe, I hate to go.  
***********************************************  
  
The next few hours were a blur for Gary. He couldn't remember Marissa arriving at McGinty's. He couldn't even remember Chuck arriving to say goodbye. The next thing that he really remembered was standing there in front of McGinty's, hugging Chuck.  
  
"I'll miss you, buddy." Chuck told him. It was a heartfelt sentence, but Gary knew that it meant more than someone might think. He nodded in agreement as they drew away.  
  
"OK...I'm leaving now."  
  
Gary looked at his friend, and he was fairly sure that he felt about as torn apart as he did. The next thing he saw was Chuck's car driving off down the road, and as he took Marissa into McGinty's for a cup of coffee, he knew that things weren't ever going to be the same. But as he'd said to Chuck, it wasn't a bad thing. Not a bad thing at all. 


End file.
